I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
