I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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