The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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