I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
