I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
