I puked a lego.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
