I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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