Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
