So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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