laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
