I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
