How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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