i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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