I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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