Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
