K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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