Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
