dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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