im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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