Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
