I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
