i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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