I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
