I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
