i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
