Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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