I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
