I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
