Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
