Jerry, you need to find god
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
