What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We need a shit load of segways right now
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
