Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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