Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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