Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
