I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
