a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
