I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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