I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
