My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
