Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
