If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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