I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
