I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
