If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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