oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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