where am i from again
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Bring me that man meat
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
