her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
