I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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