TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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