probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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