ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
