hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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