I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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