On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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