My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
