Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
