fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
