question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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