what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
