When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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