Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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