I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
