All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
