I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
