I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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