So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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