You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
