Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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