YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
