They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
last night I used snow as a chaser
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