Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
