Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
