She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
