hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
