Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i dont even know how to be here
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think I sprained my soul last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
