The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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