Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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