We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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