I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
