please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize