i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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