I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
