i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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