its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
whose parrot is this?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
