Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
