Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
