I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
