I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
