We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
