Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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