It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
