Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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