Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My day in three words: secret purse cake
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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