Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
