im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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